Texting Wars
by AnnaJayBelle
Summary: Jasper believes texts are meaningless. Cute litte one-shots about Alice and Jasper texting.
1. Chapter 1

Texting was so meaningless. Why Alice insisted that she text me, instead of _call_ me was beyond me. Plus, I don't even think I know how to text…

'_Hey you!'_

As of now I was in History class when I received this text message from my wonderful wife.

Holding the phone under the small desk, I tried my best to answer.

'_Hello'_

Was all I could muster up to text. Almost instantly the phone vibrated in my hands.

'_How's history class? I seen you were bored. :/'_

I was thoroughly confused at this point. What did : and / mean? And why on earth did she say that I was bored? She knows I love history class.

'_What does : / mean?'_

Feeling proud of myself for answering so quickly, thinking Alice probably wouldn't answer back _as_ quickly, I was wrong. The phone vibrated two seconds after I had sent the message.

'_Silly Jazz, lol'_

Feeling even more confused, I went to text back before the phone vibrated once more.

'_It means "Laugh out Loud"'_

The phone vibrated again,

'_How would you know that? Major Whitlock, you really need to keep up with the world. Keep up with us cool kids. : )'_

My eyebrows raised as the phone continued to vibrate,

'_Jasper, honestly? : and ) It's a smiley face!'_

Phone…vibrate…

'_Yes, I love you too. See you next period 3'_

I didn't even bother asking what this so called and 3 meant. I figured it was better left unsaid.

**Just a little one-shot on Alice and Jasper texting. Hope you liked it! Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Alice, Alice, Alice, why was she doing this to me? Every time I tried or even attempted to speak to my wonderful wife, she completely blew me off. She was angry at me today because I had spent $1000 dollars on a quad that Emmett has been wanting. Rosalie refused to give him the money and he said, and I quote, "You are the best brother in the world if you do this for me, and if you don't, I'll tell Nessie that you don't love her."

So yeah, that's what I'm dealing with right now. An angry wife, an evil brother, and an innocent niece.

I tried my best to apologize to Alice but she never gave me the chance. Just then, an idea struck me. What if I text her I'm sorry? She can't ignore me then.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and flipped it open. My fingers began dancing happily over the keys.

"_Alice, I'm sorry for spending $1000 on Emmett. Will you forgive me?_

_Love, Jasper"_

I smiled knowing that you couldn't ignore a text. She wouldn't. She will read it, forgive me, and the world will spin on it's axis once more.

My phone vibrated in my palm and I almost jumped with joy.

"_You apologize through a text? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! The least you could do is apologize in person."_

Texting really isn't my thing.


	3. Chapter 3

Currently I was in Keyboarding class, typing impatiently on the small keys beneath my fingers. Though it may have seemed to anyone around me that I was concentrated on the computer before me, my thoughts were actually centered around my wife that I adored so very much. She had finally forgiven me for the quad incident and was finally coming around. In return I had promised her that I would never apologize through text again.

I shifted my thoughts back to my adoring wife. The way her laugh filled the room in one simple joke I would crack. Her smile lit the sky on a rainy day. The twinkle she got in her eye at the kiss she would receive on her cheek. My wife was my everything, my life, my eternity. I couldn't live without her and neither did I ever intend to. She brought the light to my life when it was dark. She brought the smile to me in my darkest of times. I would do anything and everything for her without a second thought.

"….Mr. Hale! Pay attention!" The teacher exclaimed, exasperated.

"Um, sorry Mr. Ward." Just when he was turning around, my phone dinged within my pocket. He froze at mid stride and turned around on the heels of his feet. His emotions were angry and a sense of familiarity. He must have gotten a lot of students texting in class.

"To the office!" His voice rumbled throughout the class, making the humans stop what they were typing and watch on with worried faces.

I got up swiftly and made my way to the door. Once in the hall, I took my phone out and flipped it open automatically. _'One new text message'_ it read. Surprise, surprise.

'_Hey there soldier. I got you in trouble…not on purpose or anything! I'll be waiting in the car….I have a surprise for you. ; )"_

Lust built up within me as I rushed to the exit doors of the school.


	4. Chapter 4

"You got what?" Esme was upset with Alice and I for getting suspended from school. I couldn't blame her.

"And then they caught you in the car doing _what_?" Alice and I were sitting in the office, looking down sheepishly as Esme scolded us for our wrongdoing's of the day. Who would have thought that the security guard would have past our car in the position we were in?

"I…I don't know what to say. I didn't think you and Alice would do this. I mean, from Emmett and Rosalie it's a different story…but you and Alice?"

Yes. Alice and I. We did this. I understand for her being surprised, but _this_ surprised? Her surprise of our sex life is getting insulting.

"Well I can assure you, this will _never_ happen again." She turned towards us flickering her eyes towards the door. Alice and I stood up immediately following her out the door and into the parking lot.

I instinctively wrapped my arm around my wife's waste and pulled her closer. "That's was a good one Esme, I think he actually believed that you were mad." Alice spoke at my side, smiling at our mother.

Esme was opening the door to her car saying, "Yes, I've been working on my angry tone." Alice and I both knew very well that Esme was not angry at all, just humored my the fact that me and Alice have a sex life. Still insulting…

"He's watching us right now through his window. He'll think you're a bad mother if you let Jasper and I ride together home. I think its best if me and you ride together." Alice spoke to Esme with a smile. My arm tightening around her waste and she pushed me away playfully. I playfully pouted and said, "Alright, if you say so," She kissed me tenderly on the lips and spun around to meet Esme at the car.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I rolled my eyes thinking, _Now I put it on vibrate. Smart thinking._ Flipping the phone open there was a new message from Edward.

'_Next time you and Alice decide to throw a party in the parking lot, could you at least drive a mile away first? I don't like seeing my sister like….that.' _

I felt sympathy for Edward. But quickly text back.

'_Next time you and Bella decide to throw a party at the house, could you…move out?'_


	5. Chapter 5

"Esme, you look beautiful. You have nothing to worry about." Esme was about to attend a Christmas party that she had been invited to a week ago. A good friend of hers had invited her, and she wanted to make sure that she looked perfect. Her knee length black dress flowing around her, making her look absolutely gorgeous, though she didn't think so. She looked in the mirror once more and snorted in disgust. I needed Carlisle here to help me out on this one. "Thank you Jasper," She smiled lovingly at me, and patted my cheek as she walked by.

My phone dinged and I rolled my eyes thinking that this phone has got me nothing but trouble. I flipped it open and realized it was a message from Emmett.

'_Hey bro, what's crackin'?'_ What did Emmett want? Crackin'? I shook my head at his childlike ways.

'_Can I help you Emmett?' _I replied, while walking down the steps to our living room. The phone dinged once more as I read the message.

'_I have a question for you, don't get mad! But when's the last time you and Alice…ya know, Had sex?'_ I was appalled by this text, wondering why he would ever want to know something like that? And then it struck me. He was Emmett.

'_This is none of your business Emmett!'_ I was almost fuming by the time I replied. I was trying not to break the dumb phone.

'_Well, calm down there empath. I'm just saying, you and Alice should get it on tonight. : )' _Why does Emmett feel the need to butt in on everyone's sex life? I am not going to let a stupid vampire tell me when and when not to make love to my wife!

Just when I was about to reply, Emmett walked through the door and said, "Hey Jazz, what are you doin'?" I stood up immediately and flew over to him.

"What is wrong with you?" I yelled, thundering the whole house. "Why do you feel the need to get involved with my sex life? And why on earth would you _text_ those things to me?" I was feeling a little bit calmer now.

"Text! What are you talking about! Alice had to take my phone to the store to get fixed today! I don't have, she does!"


	6. Chapter 6

The whole family was sitting in the living room, watching a soppy love story movie that had been of no ones particular choosing. Just spending time together was important to Esme.

Tears were wet on my nieces cheeks as Jack began to slowly freeze to death in Rose's arms. He _slowly_ began to tell her that he loves her, and he wanted her to live. So, so _slowly_.

I was bored.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I took it out, in no rush to read the text.

'_I'm bored too. Screw with Alice.' _I looked up from my phone to find Edward smiling at me wickedly. I smiled back and his eyes flickered to Alice.

I began to send Alice all the lust I had within me. I felt her eyes on me but I kept my own eyes glued to the TV screen.

She crossed her legs and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. I knew my and Edwards plan was working and I was thrilled about that.

I sent her another wave of lust, this time she began fanning herself with her hand as if she was sweating. She pulled out the top of her shirt, as if airing herself out.

Edward was howling and the family was oblivious. I chuckled and Ness turned to me, confused. Her eyes were wet with tears. I shook my head to her unspoken question and she turned back around to the movie.

Jack wasn't waking up.

I sent Alice more and more waves of lust and finally she stood up and walked over calmly to me, though her emotions told a different story. Her voice was strained and her words were carefully chosen as if she were about to scream if they weren't.

"Jasper. Upstairs. Now." I quickly got up and ran up the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

I laid in I and Alice's bed, in total awe of what me and my wife had just accomplished. Alice was in the shower at the moment as I lay in the bed that was put to good use not too long ago. My arms folded behind my head. My chest bare, with nothing but boxers on.

I heard something vibrate over the noise of the shower, it was my phone. I walked over to my jeans, which were shredded and pretty much everywhere, and I searched for the pocket part of my jeans. Once I found it, I saw it was a text message from Edward once more.

'_What you and Alice did…should be illegal.'_

I laughed out loud as Alice stepped out with nothing but a towel around her. She gave me a confused smile as I looked back down to my phone to reply.

'_Edward, if that were illegal, Alice and I would need a whole set of laws.'_


	8. Chapter 8

"You guys missed the ending!" My lovely niece complained. Though I was almost for sure that Alice or myself were not worried about the ending of the movie.

"Its alright Ness, we've seen it so many times that I could tell you the ending. Detail to detail." I said.

She rolled her eyes and huffed herself off the couch, yawning.

"Where's Alice?" Bella asked curiously.

"Recovering…" Emmett said under his breath so low that no human could bare to hear it. He snickered, and I saw the rest of the family, even Carlisle, holding back their giggles and smiles.

I gave Emmett a stern look and turned my attention back to Bella.

"She'll be down in a minute." I wanted to spare her mind of the things that only Emmett would _think_ and the things I would _know. _She nodded silently, and picked up Nessie as her daughter began to drift away into a field of dreams in her arms.

"_EMMETT!" _Alice screeched. I jumped, Nessie awoke with wide eyes, Edward pinched his nose, Emmett laughed…

"_EMMETT CULLEN I WILL BURN YOU ALIVE IF I COME DOWN STAIRS AND SEE YOUR FACE!"_

I was scared. Not only for Emmett's life, but for Alice's sanity.

**What is Alice angry about? No texts this time, sorry! I will try to update more often from now on! Hope you liked it!**


	9. Chapter 9

She stomped down the steps and I think with every loud bang of her foot, I would flinch the slightest. I was afraid for Emmett, afraid for me, afraid for Alice, and this I'm sure was not appropriate for Renesmee.

"You-you turned off my phone?" I thought it was going to be something serious. "And Jasper, don't you _dare_ tell me to calm down!"

"Alice, I didn't!" I was panicking, back away from my wife as she came towards me with clenched fists.

"You were _going_ to! Was this apart of some stupid joke you and Emmett decide to play on me for April Fools day?" Her fists were shaking, and so was I.

"Wait…" Hadn't I realized before of the date? I apparently had been too busy to realize today was the first of April and that of course Alice would make that assumption that this was all a joke. I decided to go along with it just for the sake of not having to lose my life. "Uh, yeah. Yeah that's it. it's just a joke…but the company is going to turn it back on this evening…I'm really sorry Alice. I thought it would be funny. Better than turning your credit card off like we did last year?"

Yes, the credit card. That was going to be the first and the last time Emmett and I ever pull something like that again on Alice. I have never seen my wife scream so loud, cry so hard.

"It was Jasper's idea!" Emmett suddenly thundered.

"Emmett!" My voice got high all of the sudden and cracked. The family chuckled.

"What! It was!"

"Everybody hold on!" Yelled Nessie. We all turned to her, curious as to what she would say in the middle of such a conversation. Alice was fuming, Emmett was lying, I was scared and here comes Nessie as calm as could be and calling on attention to herself. She was brave.

"What!" We all yelled in sync.

She smiled and said, "I just got a text. And it says…"

**What does the text say? Who knows! Guess you'll have to find out next time! Keep reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

"It's-It's a picture. It's…oh dear God." Nessie dropped the phone and gagged. When Edward picked it up, he grimaced and frowned, tossing it to me who saw something very personal. Something that me and Alice had been busy doing not too long ago…

"What is it?" Alice asked curiously, reaching for the phone, I pulled it away from her reach. "Jasper, give me the phone."

My phone vibrated, and while Alice was still jumping for Ness's phone which was up in the air now, I was reading a text I had just received. _'Pretty Hot." _From Edward?

"Edward!"

"What!"

"I just…didn't expect that from you."

"Emmett has my phone!" We all looked to find Emmett on Edward's phone, looking up with guilty eyes. We had caught him red-handed.

"Well, I'm glad that everyone has a phone, but I've lost mine. So Emmett, call it." Rosalie complained, throwing her hands up in the air as if it were the biggest deal in the world.

"I want to see the picture!" Alice exclaimed.

"My brain…" Nessie moaned.

"Wait, I think I hear it vibrating in the couch." Rosalie said, whispering for some odd reason.

"Everybody stop!" I yelled, "I putting this to an end once and for all!" I snatched Edward's phone from Emmett, grabbed Rosalie's phone from the couch, and slammed all three phones into the wall before me.

The room went dead silent. The good Lord was my only chance for survival now.


	11. Chapter 11

**For any of you who are big fans of the "Texting Wars" series, I am terribly sorry to inform you this will be the final chapter. I hope you enjoy it the most!**

I was hiding in the closet. It seemed like the best place to go after what events had just occurred. I had stole Esme's phone from her purse as I ran from the living room. I wasn't sure on why I took it, perhaps maybe somewhere deep inside myself, I had thought about calling 911?

The phone vibrated. It was a text from Carlisle.

'_Jasper, where are you?'_

'_Carlisle, I'm scared.' _I text back.

'_Oh, this isn't Carlisle. This is Alice. Come out, come out wherever you are.' _My stomach dropped as I thought of Alice snaking up the staircase towards the closet I was in. I put some thought into it, and decided to call the phone company. If I could get them new phones, wouldn't that make things better?

I heard her footsteps, I smelled her scent, my breathing increased. I had to face what was coming whether I had wanted to or not. I stepped out of the closet reluctantly and faced an angry Alice herself. She looked me up and down, noticing that I held Esme's phone rather tightly, almost shaking with fear.

I walked at a fast stride, meeting her gaze sternly, and this with a fierce passion, I embraced her in a kiss. I held both the sides of her face between my two large hands, deepening the kiss as I felt her slowly forgetting the cell phones. She dropped Carlisle's phone as I had Esme's awhile ago.

We released one another, and she smiled. Carlisle's phone vibrated and she smiled. I flipped the phone open and read with amazement.

'_I love you Mr. Whitlock : )' _

"I know what that is," I said, proud of myself as I remained my eyes on the small screen. "It's a smiley face." I smiled myself, returning my eyes to my lovely wife. "You got me in trouble in keyboarding, a bad reputation with the principal, and in an embarrassing picture of me that was sent to Nessie's phone…but I love you too Mrs. Whitlock."

We laughed in each other's arms, and broke the phones we had been holding in our hands. We laughed at the crunching sound they made, Emmett's perverted laugh, Bella, Edward's and Nessie's moans of disturbance, Esme's worrying sighs, Carlisle's shaking head, and Rosalie's whispering. We loved our family.

THE END

**Please review your thoughts and feel free to read my other stories or PM on ideas for future ones. Have a fantastic day!**


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